The 34 funniest search queries so far
10,000 lucky people have found BlogStorm via search engines in the last 3 months, not all of the search terms were what you might expect from an internet marketing blog and some were just too funny.
If you want to see what I blogged about to rank for these strange queries click here to read all 200 posts.
Here are the pick of the bunch:
“human powered search market”
“mahalo fail”
Jason, is that you?
john chow + matt cutts
Best friends forever.
10,000 one way links
Wow. Let me know when you find them.
“sphinn vs digg”
I don’t think you’re quite there yet Danny.
“lets have sex”
Not tonight, thanks for the offer.
“ebay stolen”
Really? Who took it?
“how to have internet sex”
Maybe in a few years time.
“what is the use google”
John Chow is that you?
“wikipedia facebook”
SEO nightmare?
“buying stolen caravans”
Not really recommended…
“caravan stolen what to do”
Buy it back on ebay.
“cookie stuffing +affiliates +wikipedia”
Pretty sure the Wikipedia editors won’t like that.
“get sued for linkbuilding”
Not gonna happen.
“google hack porn pictures”
What ever floats your boat. Try MSN hack porn as well.
“how to make money from reading books”
“making money by reading ads”
Not going to make you rich very quickly. The guy who searched for information on how to “make money from paper” is at least on the right track.
“how to take the picture of my penis”
“normal people penis photo”
????
“google sell links $2000″
If they pass PR please let me know. Don’t tell Matt though.
“gay cruising in the uk”
“free homemade dog food recipes”
“ferret tracking device”
“famous people penis pictures”
Pretty sure BlogStorm didn’t answer these queries.
“make £10,000 in 3 days”
“make £50,000 in two weeks”
Just what I like to see. A long term strategy.
“why people take pictures”
Not sure. Maybe to preserve the moment?
“john chow” slap
John isn’t to everyones taste but that’s a bit harsh.
“perez hilton” nude pics
Most people prefer Paris but each to their own.
“are .biz domains any good for a google consultant”
Not really. Its all about branding you see.
“1 billion email addresses”
Give me your email address and $10 and I’ll send them over.
“can you take pic with webcams”
Err…yes.
“do people really read blogs”
Not sure. You tell me.
Thanks to John from Silvelox wooden garage doors for the idea.
Patrick Altoft is Director of Search at Branded3, a Leeds SEO & Digital Agency specialising in SEO, Web Design, Development & Social Media.
Comments
Read the 43 comments below, or add your own!
You have got some very funny ones out there! Your comments on those are even better
it’s always funny to see Long Tail keywords and their evolution, i’ve got some of the weirdest search terms EVER and only god know how they found my site with it…
“lets have sex”… I think someone was propositioning Google.
He He, You have a bunch of right weird ones there.
This is too funny! I actually don’t remember how I found your site. But I assure you it was not using any of those keyword phrases.
I enjoy your blog and read it often.
Lisa
ha ha… excellent.
I will certainly be keeping a “very” close eye on our users search terms.
I love the “how to have internet sex” – what if he or she ever found out…!
Si
hmm, I guess I should look over your site a bit more closely to find the related content
Great sense of humor! We enjoy your site over @ AskTheAdmin.
Ha… You think your searches are bad mate
http://londoncokehead.blogspot.com/search?q=strange+searches
Also: FYI Perez Hilton is actually a blog title
Hilarious. I keep a separate page for such interesting queries that lead to my blog. It’s here
First time I’ve visited your site (via digg) and I can’t help but wonder what you blog about to get found with such obscure search queries
“can you take pic with webcams”
Ahh, what a great question. You certainly have a good few weird queries to find your website. Strangely enough somebody found my site with the “ferret tracking device” one too. Weird!
Lol great list, there are some really unusual search queries. Ask.com long ago used to have a self-refreshing page that would show queries as they happen, I remember just looking at all the absurd things that were being looked up (you could also see the results they found). The interesting part was that you would see some one look for something weird, and then they would probably go to one of the results, and then come back to the search engine and ask something like “I want x, but not the first site you showed me”. lol they’d continue this for a bit until they realized that it wasn’t helping by literally entering “show me something different”
I get stuff like this all the time as well. Normally it’s link spam. You should have seen my wife’s face when I showed her some of the stuff that was hitting my site – classic.
hilarious! you got some pretty funny ones for an Internet marketing blog. I wonder what’s the relation between those search terms and Internet marketing.
Very funny indeed!
i’ll start to cry
“buying stolen caravans”
Not really recommended…
“caravan stolen what to do”
Buy it back on ebay.
Uhh, maybe these two are linked somehow.
I should do the same thing with my site. Some of the search terms are hilarious.
“how to take the picture of my penis”
“normal people penis photo”
????
—
LOL
“wikipedia facebook”
SEO nightmare?
lol that one made me laugh out loud!
I just did this on my blog recently. It’s amazing what some people look for…
It’s ridiculous how loose the search on Google can be sometimes. Just going be by site, people have linked to it while looking up all sorts of things, none of which have anything to do with the site. Never got anything as funny as these though!
So now are you going to be creating some rich tutorials on these search hits to satisfy your some of your visitors needs?
Claire Huxtable’s Toes is the best one on my site. Funny thing is that it’s popped up more than once.
Actually looing back at some of the Google searches on my stats they are quite interesting, either way they still came accross http://www.WhichWebsite.com
Your comments are really funny along with readers search queries
Thanks for internet for revealing people’s inner thoughts
That’s great. It’s strange what people type into their search engines…
awesome results, lol!!
“how to take the picture of my penis” …that’s a cool search
Man you never know how people search you….
but one thing is for sure you optimize your title for this
lol @ this one….
“gay cruising in the uk”
“free homemade dog food recipes”
“ferret tracking device”
“famous people penis pictures”
wikipedia facebook”
SEO nightmare?
“how to take the picture of my penis”
“normal people penis photo”
????
Made me cry with laughter
lol. this post made my day.
Wow, can’t think of such queries. Nice collection. how you got the list. I’ll sure write them on my Website Design site.
hey, I would change “10,000 lucky people have found BlogStorm” to “10,000 VERY lucky people have found BlogStorm”
I came there with “marketing blog” !
What a pity !
hummpfff
Thats hilarious!!
Thats hilarious!
hahaha..this is funny… i heard that someone search the most popular guy on the planet..
The stuff people search for…..just slightly on the disturbing side? the caravan bits were properly funny though
Your comments are really funny along with readers search queries
Thanks for internet for revealing people’s inner thoughts
hahaha very funny